Happy Fathers’ Day!
Well, you may not be a father, but I am–and since I’m writing this on the night of that very happy holiday, I thought I’d share with you this exciting and nonfictional glimpse of all that fatherhood offers!
First: My son’s kindergarten teacher just said he had a great year…except for his “many unpleasant reactions” whenever he heard music!
Second: My 3-year-old proudly announced during nursery school music class that he’d just dreamt he had three penises!
Rock criticism: It’s genetic!
MOMUS The Philosophy Of Momus (Cherry Red U.K. import) I’ve always derived extraordinary comfort from the knowledge that absolutely no one I know likes Momus very much–and yet I, who earn my living giving my opinion about music, think he is absolutely the most talented performer in contemporary music today! Silly me! Anyway, his new record is blindingly brilliant–how could any album with a song titled “It’s Important To Be Trendy” not be?–and, oh, I don’t know, better than anything else you’ve ever heard. Buy it or face future ridicule from the authors of Revised Rock History: We Were Wrong! by All The Rock Critics In The World (Bantam Press). 5/5
VAN MORRISON Days Like This (Polydor) Damn, he’s back! The ever-prolific Coolest Guy In Rock returns with his second album to ever feature two dogs on the cover–and this time one of them is being held by his blushing bride-to-be! Is it merely coincidental that only the dog she’s walking is muzzled? Well, considering this platter contains such upbeat tracks as “Underlying Depression,” “Russian Roulette,” “No Religion,” “I’ll Never Be Free,” and “Melancholia,” what the hell do you think? 4/5
SCOTT WALKER Tilt (Fontana U.K. import) Speaking of famous nuts, the long-awaited new record by this cult-fave former Walker Brother is about as cheery as a life spent reviewing records! Arty stuff that sounds like a cross between Michael Mantler’s Silence and Heiner Goebbels & Heiner Muller’s The Man In The Elevator–in other words, sort of like The Bodyguard soundtrack, but different–it’s more depressing than reading a bookful of P.J. Harvey reviews! 4.5/5
TED NUGENT Spirit Of The Wild (Atlantic) A masterpiece or the work of a complete moron? I can’t make up my mind! 1/5
PAUL WELLER Stanley Road (Go! Discs/London) As a longtime fan of the Jam, the Style Council, and Paul Weller’s recent solo stuff, I must sadly report that there’s absolutely nothing more than workmanlike on any of this CD–except for its matrix number, which seems to be etched in particularly fetching fashion. Incidentally, go out and buy the newest albums by the Apartments, Pooh Sticks, and Cardinal. 3/5
COLIN BLUNSTONE Some Years: It’s The Time Of Colin Blunstone (Legacy/Epic) The best of former Zombies singer Blunstone’s three Epic albums, Some Years excerpts nearly all of his classic 1971 album One Year. Had that record gone to No. 1 as originally planned–before they came and laid down their crummy rules–then the world today would have been a far better place. Think about that next time you read about political unrest in countries you’ve never heard of! 5/5