Entry for July 26, 2006

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THE TRIUMVIRATE OF METAL WISDOM

In 1985, the publisher of CREEM magazine–the distinguished journal at which I was then employed–decided to begin publishing an additional magazine called CREEM METAL.  The goal? To fill the profound gap facing the everyday lives of America’s disaffected youth. And if bothersome profits were to accompany its publication, then so be it.

Sadly, however, three problems would emerge.

First: The magazine would require actual words to fill its pages.

Second: These words would have to be paid for.

Third: We, uh, left our wallets at home!

Imagine our surprise, then, when the hallowed CREEM sanctum–normally populated by my good friends and co-editors Bill Holdship and John Kordosh–was paid a visit by three opinionated music critics for whom money was no issue whatsoever!

Their names were Hal Jordan, Jesse Grace, and the incredibly handsome Martin Dio. And together, sitting in our plush conference room with only a tape recorder and turntable as company, the three of them would become, by common consensus, The Triumvirate Of Metal Wisdom.

I could go on, but why bother?

Soon the most respected music critics in the world, they felt unnerved by the attention accorded them by counterparts such as Ronald Reagan and some other guys and–to the chagrin of many–eventually gave up their lofty positions to pursue quiet lives in monastic seclusion, milking cows and writing press releases.  Yeah–plus, two of them were gay.

To honor their contribution to American culture, then, let me present the works of the famed Triumvirate so that all of us may learn from their wisdom.

Except for you.

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