(“Tooth And Nail” plays)
JESSE: I really like the chords to that song, they’re really nice, and it sounds really good–until that guy starts singing. I just don’t like his voice a whole lot. I saw one of the first shows that Foreigner ever did. I hadda review it…
MARTIN: How utterly fascinating!!!
HAL: Who cares?
MARTIN: (to Jesse) What did you think?
JESSE: I thought it was one of the most horrible shows I’d ever seen.
HAL: I think that song has one of the most effective uses of breathing…
JESSE: Better breathing than singing…
MARTIN: I thought it was real cool in the beginning–they have a cymbal or something that pans from left to right, and if you wore headphones it would sound really cool. (laughter)
(Next song plays)
HAL: Well, I’ll tell you of all the groups and artists qualified to write about love, Foreigner’s probably the least well qualified. They’re really poor writers … lyrically speaking, they’re very poor.
JESSE: I can’t really comment on the quality of their lyrics, ’cause I don’t pay that much attention, but that song was not very good. I mean, Lionel Richie could play that song.
MARTIN: OK, well I’m gonna have to beg to differ with you guys. Because I liked that one.
JESSE: Did you really?
MARTIN: Yeah. I like that formulized kind of slush. It sounded good. I liked it, OK?
(“I Want To Know What Love Is” plays)
MARTIN: Any comments?
JESSE: I thought it was boring, myself.
MARTIN: (to Hal) What about you?
HAL: Uhh … I’ve got nothing to say. I think we should end this review, ’cause they’re like a cipher. They’re not there.
JESSE: Well, ya know, after that good beginning…
HAL: You mean those heavy chords?
JESSE: Yeah! I mean, what we’ve got here…
MARTIN: I don’t hear much heavy metal…
HAL: It doesn’t really sound too metal–not only that, it doesn’t sound like much of anything.
MARTIN: I think we’re forgetting…
HAL: I hate Foreigner to tell you the truth!
JESSE: I saw one of the first shows they ever did…
HAL: I don’t care!
MARTIN: How utterly fascinating! They were cool once, cause they had a guy from King Crimson.
JESSE: That’s when I saw them; they were horrible.
MARTIN: Well, at least they were cool ’cause they had that guy.
HAL: More importantly, how come they’re so rich? I mean, we obviously don’t like this record…
JESSE: I think, more importantly, is why are they so fat?
MARTIN: Because they’re rich! There’s one other vital point … let’s face facts, we live in Detroit, the three of us, and right now we’re living in an oppressed economy. Why? Because of cars from Japan. Basically we’ve been brought up to hate foreigners, anybody that comes in from out of this country. I think solely on that level–because we’re from Detroit–we should hate Foreigner.
JESSE: You know what makes me mad about Foreigner? They’re so unoriginal, that the guy had to take his name from a guitarist in the Clash.
HAL: You mean Jones?
HAL: Yeah. I guess that speaks against them, âcause the Clash are equally bad.
JESSE: Well, no, Mick Jones’s band is supposed to be good.
HAL: Have you heard them?
JESSE: No, I haven’t heard them … just from … uh, the reviews I’ve read.
MARTIN: You believe everything you read, as usual. I HATE YOU!!!!!!!
–Jesse Grace, Martin Dio and Hal Jordan
(CREEM CLOSE-UP: METAL ROCK âNâ ROLL, June 1985)