CRUEL CUT-DOWN OF DECEASED TRIUMVIRATE
OK. In the Nov. â€™86 issue, Hal, Jesse & Martin accused Queensryche of being “gay fags” (cute term, guys) for the following reasons:
1. The band’s name.
2. They way they’re dressed.
3. Martin is attracted to Geoff Tate because of Geoff’s haircut.
4. Chris deGarmo supposedly looks like Stephen Pearcy and some skinny weenie from ’til tuesday.
In response to those things, I say:
1. The name Queensryche stands for discipline and power–nonviolent power, unlike the Nazis. They are not fascists, nor are they “Queens.”
2. If the guys were wearing pink tights and tutus, I could possibly understand this “gay clothes” stuff. However, they are wearing very classy-looking, long, black jackets. The outfits go with the type of music they play, which is a progressive, intense, classy type of metal. Just because you people are living in the past doesn’t mean everyone has to. I’m glad the cavemen didn’t think like you guys do. If they did, we’d probably all be wearing Tarzan and Jane outfits and listening to rain chants or something. And Hal, tell your wife if she still wants to dress like the band, she’ll have to shop at a much classier store than K-Mart and she’ll have to lose her beer gut or the jackets will never fit.
3. Martin, if you’re attracted to Geoff, for any reason, that doesn’t mean Geoff is a fag. Sorry bud, but your finger is pointed in the wrong direction,
4. Chris may be thin, but he’s no weenie. So he can’t be too much like the guy in ’til tuesday. As for Stephen Pearcy, he and Chris may have similar haircuts, but they don’t look alike. Didn’t your mamas ever teach you that it’s cruel to tell someone they look like Stephen Pearcy?
Hopefully, that will set the record straight.
THE DEAD CANNOT BE FIRED
I think Hal, Martin and Jesse should be fired. They’re not qualified to rate records. How could anybody put down Cinderella and/or Queensryche? Nowhere in the record review did they even listen to either record. If they had, they would have found out that both albums kick major ass! This is not just my opinion. Cinderella get mega requests on KNAC and recently, when KNAC had the rock wars, Queensryche won over everybody new or old. Bands like Dokken, Metallica, Scorpions, Iron Maiden, Ozzy and even Led Zeppelin. Queensryche was voted #1. Both bands have been on the Top 10 at 10:00 every week.
As for their appearance, if you think they look gay, you’re just wishing. Eric Brittingham (along with Patrick Young of Black ‘N’ Blue) is God’s visual gift to women!
Well, that’s enough bitching for one letter. Could you please have more on Black ‘N’ Blue, Cinderella, Keel, Poison and Leatherwolf? They rule the rock world.
READER WISHES TRUIMVIRATE DEAD, POSSIBLY CAUSES TRAGEDY VIA TELEKINESIS
Even if this ain’t printed, please let the three “heavy metal” clowns (Martin, Hal & Jesse) see this. What’s your problem, men? You judged Queensryche as “fags” and totally put down their clothes. It’s originality, people! You never even listened to their album because you were too busy looking at them! You wish you could kiss Chris de Garmo’s pudgy lips, don’t ya Martin? Queensryche’s music should’ve been mentioned first and foremost. They are talented musicians! Geoff Tate’s awesome vocal range is unsurpassed by anyone. These people are truly underrated. And dorks like you don’t help any. You closet cases! Rage For Order is real intellectual stuff, gang. It ain’t no joke. If you three spuds listen, you’ll get it. Queensryche will never die, fellas. Boo! Hoo! Yoo-Hoo! They’ll remember your article and you’se guys will be screaming in digital.
Anyway, who cares about their private lives? Who cares if they ain’t macho and disgusting? To hell with bowling balls and all that crap! It’s a bunch of stereotyped bullshit, anyway. I hope the guys in Cinderella find you three and make ya into human shish kebab. Death by Bunga to you all. Stay androgynous.
San Diego, CA
DEATH OF TRIUMVIRATE MOVES THIS READER NOT
This is for Jesse, Hal and Martin, the guys who did a Cinderella record review in the Nov. ’86 issue of METAL. I still don’t know how they rated the album; maybe that’s because they never gave their opinion. Not that I would want it anyway! Right off they disregarded the album so that they could discuss “better things” such as their hate for Motley Crue lookalikes, which Cinderella are not! And their total disgust with guys who have longer hair than themselves. Jesse, Martin and Hal have crew cuts! They also expressed their opinion on what “real” heavy metal bands should name themselves, perhaps a name such as “Belch!” Yeah, that would be their style! Yes, Martin, Cinderella are men! I had the “great” pleasure of meeting them in person. They were great guys! The nicest around, so do us all a favor and keep your perverted insults to yourself!
WIDOWS OF TRIUMVIRATE WEEP OVER MEAN LETTER
It has always been my impression that when an album was reviewed the album was actually listened to and the music was what a review was based on. That certainly wasn’t the case with that so-called review of Queensryche’s Rage For Order by Jesse Grace, Hal Jordan and Martin Dio (Nov. ’86). The music wasn’t mentioned, so I doubt that the album was even taken out of its jacket. Too bad. If those three had bothered to actually listen to Rage For Order, they would have found that it is an excellent album. But instead, those three chose to do an all-out attack against Queensryche that was totally uncalled for. And there are a lot of pissed-off Ryche fans because of it.
So, if someone must die for the sake of all metal, then let it be Jesse Grace, Martin Dio and Hal Jordan. Queensryche will go on to give metal the kick in the ass that it so desperately needs.
TRIUMVIRATE TAKEN IN THEIR YOUTHFUL PRIME; BAD TASTE ATTACKS CONTINUE
I want to say something about Martin, Hal and Jesse, the guys who did a record review on Cinderella (Nov ’86). These guys are real jerks. Where do they get off bad-mouthing people anyway, from Anastasia Finn? All you Motley Crue fans remember her, don’t you? A 52-year-old mother, who totally knew nothing about heavy metal–or sex for that matter–but felt it her duty to warn us about the Crue. Yeah, you guessed it. I’m a Crue fan and I’m damn proud of it, but I like Cinderella too! And here are these three probably middle-aged, short-haired, fat creeps, condemning Cinderella, for the name they chose and the fact that they are total babes, not faggots! Martin, Hal and Jesse think having a beer gut and being a total slob makes a man! Boy, what faggots! Did they ever listen to Cinderella’s record anyway? Well, I did and it kicks ass! I don’t think Martin, Hal and Jesse really know what heavy metal is. It’s about guys with long hair, bands with strange names and kick-ass music, be it Crue, Ratt, or Ozzy. So do me and Cinderella a big favor and fire these jerks.
(As we go to press, we are saddened to report that Martin Dio, Jesse Grace and Hal Jordan were killed when their 4×4 skidded on a wet road–they were en route to discuss pressing issues of the metal day with their friend and idol, Ronnie James Dio–and plunged into the icy waters of Lake Erie. No truth that Jesse, who was driving, was high on estrogen, as initially reported. We at METAL offer their families and friends our sincere condolences. Their metal wisdom will be missed by all.–Ed.)
((CREEM CLOSE-UP: METAL, FEBRUARY 1987)